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One thing that my family never did growing up was holding a family meeting. I'd like to think that if we had done this a lot of problems and issues would have been avoided. This is something that my husband and I want to get better at doing and make it a regular habit. Here's some information about holding your own family meeting.
Why should we have one?
Each family member has responsibilities and roles in the house. No one job is more important than the other. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it says, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners". There are two aspects I would like to speak about.
First, father are to "preside over their families in love and righteousness". This doesn't mean that they are the one's who make all of the decisions. Having a family counsel allows both husband and wife to discuss how they are both making decisions together. It is also a great way of coming to an agreement on issues that need to be discussed.
Second, "father and mother are obligated to help one another as equal partners". In Successful Marriages and Families, Hawkins says that "equality is all too often used to mean "identity; that is, that two equal things must be identical to each other". Husbands and wives should be equal in their responsibilities even though their responsibilities are different. Understanding each other's roles and responsibilities both outside and inside the home are things that should be discussed in a family counsel.
So many disagreements and arguments occur because there are so many miscommunications over each others responsibilities. Sitting down and discussing what is expect of each other and how to help and support one another is an important part of family counsels.
Why should we have one?
Each family member has responsibilities and roles in the house. No one job is more important than the other. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it says, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners". There are two aspects I would like to speak about.
First, father are to "preside over their families in love and righteousness". This doesn't mean that they are the one's who make all of the decisions. Having a family counsel allows both husband and wife to discuss how they are both making decisions together. It is also a great way of coming to an agreement on issues that need to be discussed.
Second, "father and mother are obligated to help one another as equal partners". In Successful Marriages and Families, Hawkins says that "equality is all too often used to mean "identity; that is, that two equal things must be identical to each other". Husbands and wives should be equal in their responsibilities even though their responsibilities are different. Understanding each other's roles and responsibilities both outside and inside the home are things that should be discussed in a family counsel.
So many disagreements and arguments occur because there are so many miscommunications over each others responsibilities. Sitting down and discussing what is expect of each other and how to help and support one another is an important part of family counsels.
When should we have it?
- Ideally once a week
- Find a set time and day that works best for everyone in your family and stick to it.
- Have it enough that it is means something, but not to much that it looses it's importance. Find the balance.
- Try to keep the meeting around 30 minutes for young kids. If you need more time that's okay. This time will vary with the age of the individuals participating and the things that need to be discussed.
How should we start the meeting?
- Begin with a prayer and a short scripture. This will invite the Spirit into your discussion. Make Heavenly Father apart of your routine to start off on the right foot.
- Go around and have each person share a positive thing about each family member. This may take some time, but it is worth it! Taking the time to show your appreciation will put people in good spirits, and be remembered throughout the council.
- Review your family mission statement. This should be a short paragraph of what your family goals and purpose is.
What should we do during the meeting?
- Each member of the family will be given two goals. One physical goal- such as completing chores and one personal goal- such as attitude. They will share how they plan to succeed. The other members of the family should hold that person accountable for their goals and encourage them to succeed. This doesn't mean policing someone's every move, but rather checking up on them and seeing how they are doing and what they need help with.
- Go over the responsibilities of each member of the family. If you have a rewards system make sure that this is addressed as well.
- Take time to allow every family member to express any issue that might be bother them. Discuss it together what can be done. This sometimes can cause a little friction so make sure that one person speaks at a time and that there is open communication.
- At the end of every meeting each family member will address how they did with their weekly goals. Were did they succeed and where do they need improvement.
How should we end the meeting?
- End on a positive note! Either a funny story, joke, or our favorite a YouTube clip.
- Close with a prayer asking for help in areas and acknowledging blessings.
Personal Application:
·
One thing that I thought was really helpful is
that we planned to have this council. It
was just at the drop of the hat, rather both of us had a day to think about
things that we might want to discuss.
This allowed us to focus on the important things, and not just
meaningless disagreements.
·
Another thing that I liked was how all family
members should participate. We only have
one little girl who is almost 10 months, but she was right there with us. It actually kind of lightened the mood a
little bit and kept us in a positive attitude. Lastly, I really liked how it was an open
conversation and both of us were able to express our thoughts. We were discussing whether or not we should
move to a cheaper apartment when our contract was up. My husband doesn't want to move, and I do. After this council we decided that we still
have plenty of time to discuss the matter before we have to make up our minds
and we will just continue to pray about it and know when the time is
right.
·
Even though we didn't really come up with an
answer to our decision, it helped us both get on the same page of where the
other person was coming from. Discussing
this in a formal setting gave us a greater appreciation for each other and
allowed us to recognize that we really do value the other person’s opinions and
thoughts.
Scripture Reference:
D&C 88:119-120
Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;
That your incomings may be in the name of the Lord; that your outgoings may be in the name of the Lord; that all your salutations may be in the name of the Lord, with uplifted hands unto the Most High.
The principles in this verse are a lot easier said then done! However, when we have our affairs in order at our home our life will run more smoothly. This doesn't mean that we won't have stress or problems at times, but rather the family has built up a strong defense against them. By setting goals together as a family and making your home a sacred shelter you are creating a place in which the Spirit can reside.
The principles in this verse are a lot easier said then done! However, when we have our affairs in order at our home our life will run more smoothly. This doesn't mean that we won't have stress or problems at times, but rather the family has built up a strong defense against them. By setting goals together as a family and making your home a sacred shelter you are creating a place in which the Spirit can reside.
My Sources:
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