Why are wholesome recreational activities important to families?
Wholesome recreational activities bring families together in more ways than we can even imagine. Doing simple tasks together such as shoveling the snow, raking leaves, or going to play paintball all helps families to not only spend time together but to do productive or fun things as well. Doing fun activities together as a family helps to bring joy and happiness into their lives. We all have busy lives and sometimes there is a lot of stress but spending time actually doing something that they enjoy helps to relieve some of the daily stress. There are two types of activities that families can do together, core and balance. Core activities require little planning such a raking the leaves or watching a movie. Balance activities require more planning such as going hiking or on a family vacation. Each are important to the happiness within the family unit. Finding a balance between spending time together doing a planned activity and simple spending time together at home helps to create harmony within the family. From realfamiliesrealanswer.org it says, Ramon Zabriskie, a family leisure researcher at Brigham Young University, found that sharing leisure time improves family cohesion and adaptability. Cohesion refers to the level of emotional closeness in a family, while adaptability refers to a family’s ability to handle everyday and unexpected stresses and strains".
What are the benefits of family work?
You can't spend all of your time together as a family simply doing fun activities together. Life requires work and so does a family and a household. It hurts children more to simply do everything for them; they don't learn any responsibilities. Involving children in household chores when they are young starts them off on the right foot. Everyone should be helping to make sure that the household runs smoothly, the yard is maintained, and that the home is tidy. It may seem like it takes more effort to do chores with children because you have to teach them, but over time they will learn how to properly and efficiently complete household tasks. Participating in chores with your children helps them to feel apart of the family and allows you to share with them how much they help.
Personal Application
One thing that I've been trying really hard to do is find a balance between doing my school work and spending time with Brynlee. I have had a few experiences when I have been doing my homework last minute and there she is pulling at my leg with those big old puppy dog eyes. It just about broke my heart! I'm been really smart with my time though and that is one thing that I can be really proud of. I play with her when she wakes up and as soon as she goes down for her first nap I clean up really fast and then hop in the shower. By the time I am done I usually have around 2 hours to get homework done before she wakes up. I typically do this 3 times a day; whenever she naps. I have found that if I don't squander away my time and I use it wisely I am able to spend almost all of her time awake either playing with her, cashing her around the house, reading, taking walks, or having dance parties. I'm really grateful that I am able to spend all of this time with her because she just grows up so fast.
What are the benefits of participating in organized religion?
There are so many advantages to participating in organized religion. Having a weekly outlet to be nourished with others by the Spirit is a great mood booster. You know the saying too- happy wife, happy life. Actively participating in your faith is a way to gain a better understanding of your life and the direction that you are going in. Attending church on a weekly basis with your whole family establishes unity and togetherness. You know each week that you will be able to have this set amount of time together.
Another benefit of attending church and increasing faith in your family life is that it helps you in times of hardship. No families are perfect and we all have struggles; sometimes terrible ones. Going to church on a regular basis together though helps you keep a better attitude during trials. Not only a better attitude, but each family member is developing a closer relationship to Heavenly Father.
Your church is also an additional support system. Hopefully you are developing friendships that strengthen and uplift you, and are also there for you in times for trouble. The social aspect of church is highly appealing to many people. It's a way to get to know others who have the same beliefs as you. While this is a great benefit, don't let it be the sole reason that you are participating in religious activities. Developing a greater faith in the Lord and the plan that He has for all of us, and partaking of the Sacrament is the most important reason to attend church on a regular basis. Attending church with your spouse is also a way to grow closer together. Many of the messages that we hear at church can be brought back to our family life and ways in which we can improve our relationships with our children and our spouse.
While participating at church is a great way for both individuals and the family unit to strengthen their testimonies it certainly is not the only religious practice that we should be participating in. Family prayer is essential to happiness in my life. Not only should we pray in private with our spouse, but we should also pray all together as a family. This invites the Spirit into our homes and increases the love that we have towards one another. Praying together can decrease contention in the household, promote optimism and charity, and even facilitate empathy towards one another.
How does participating in religious activities affect our children?
Actively participating in religious activities with our children can strengthen the bond that we have with them. Don't think that this simply means reading the scriptures, talking with our children about gospel principles and applying them to our lives will bring closeness between you. Hawkins said, "Kind, loving behavior by parents seems to facilitate the ability of a child to conceive of (and believe in) a loving God, while hostile parental practices seem to dispel a child's faith in a benevolent supreme being". This is such powerful statement because not only are children affected by the relationship that we have with them but really all our actions. Our attitude affects our ability to teach our children about Heavenly Father and the love that He has for them. When we are happy to share our testimonies with them not only through our words, but through our example as well, we are planting seeds in them to develop their own faith in God.
There have also been many studies done that adults who participate in religious activities have more happiness in family life, better health, better financial stability, and more stability in their marriage. All of these categories greatly effect the happiness and well-being of a child. Have you ever been in a home where it is clear that there is contention between spouses over for example, finances? Take a look at the children if they are around and you will gain a better understanding of how this affects them simply from their body language. A home that is founded on saving principles such as forgiveness, repentance, and prayer is one that will have less contention; or at least it will be more manageable.
Children themselves who are active in their church tend to be better off socially as well. They are also less likely to drop out of high school, have premarital sex, or be involved with drugs and alcohol. The benefits don't just stop when they are done with childhood though. Adults who attend church when they were younger tended to have graduated from college, be productive members of society, and better off financially.
In a study done by sociologist John Bartkowski from Mississippi State University participated in a study of 16,000 children to determine how religious upbringing affected their obedience and behavior at school. The results concluded that children of parents who attended church tend to be better behaved, adjusted, and socially developed. Bartkowski also gave three reasons why religion is good for children. The article said, "First, religious networks provide social support to parents, he said, and this can improve their parenting skills. Children who are brought into such networks and hear parental messages reinforced by other adults may also “take more to heart the messages that they get in the home". Secondly, the types of values and norms that circulate in religious congregations tend to be self-sacrificing and pro-family, Bartkowski told LiveScience. he said that these “could be very, very important in shaping how parents relate to their kids, and then how children develop in response,” Finally, religious organizations imbue parenting with sacred meaning and significance".
Church can be really hard to attend with young kids, any tips?
I completely understand that it can be difficult to attend church with babies and young children. I'm amazed at the women in my ward who are able to wrangle five kids while her husband sits up in the Bishopric. I'm right there with a lot of young mom's who spend more time in the hallway chasing after a baby then actually sitting down in the chapel. Below are a few tips that I have gathered that might help make the time a church more enjoyable for both parents and children.
Go every week. Make it a habit that this is what we do and sit down to talk with them about why we go to church.
Make a "Sunday Bag". This is a small bag that has toys, books, and activities that we only use at church. This will help to keep them occupied when they need to be quiet.
When your children are old enough to understand the concept that we are quiet at church and do not run around the hallways, don't make it a habit to take them out. Hold them accountable to staying for X amount of time. Disclaimer: this will not work for babies! They are not emotionally developed to understand that they need to be quiet. Don't fight them.
Don't run out the door the minute they make a peep. The majority of people understand that it's hard for children and babies to be quiet. However, if they are screaming bloody murder you're going to want to high tail it out of their so others can enjoy the meeting.
Don't stress out- they feed off of your energy. This is a lot easier said then done, but remember that they won't be little forever and it will pass. It will take a long time, but eventually you will be able to sit down the entire hour of Sacrament.
Personal Application
I'm really grateful for the knowledge that I have gained while writing this post. I realize that we need to make a better effort to stay at Church the whole time. Another thing that I want to start doing is trading with Ben who takes Brynlee. Most of the time she is really good, she just loves to try to walk around and get all up in everyone's space. I think that taking turns so I can actually listen to the lesson in Relief Society will be a huge benefit to me. One thing that I want to share is the awesome mother that I have. She took us to church when we were little, and when we started investigating the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons, LDS) she really encouraged us to go. Now that I have a family of my own I want to make sure that I do the same thing. However her encouragement doesn't stop there. My mom has a wonderful testimony of the gospel and the happiness that it can bring to people. My sister isn't a member of the church but she is awesome enough to let my mom take my niece quite often. I know that if my niece continues to go to church and understandings the principles that she is being taught it will really help her throughout her life to make the right choices.
Scripture Reference
Deuteronomy 6:4-7
4. Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is bone Lord:
5. And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
6. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
7. And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
As parents it is our responsibility to teach our children gospel principles that will bless them and help them. Not only should we be teachign with our words, but by our examples. Oftentimes are example is louder than our words. By making every effort to teach and live the commandments we will see our families be blessed. This does not mean that we won't have trials, because we will, but we have the opportunity to learn from them and to use those trials to bring our family closer together. The only thing that truley matters in this life is the happiness of our families, and it's up to us to do everything in our power to achieve it.
Parenting is hard- no one can deny that! But there are also a variety of aspects that we as parents can control that effect how hard parenting has to be. These include parenting styles, parenting practices, and even applying gospel principles to parenting.
What are the different parenting styles?
There are four distinct parenting styles and within them are levels of severity or extremes.
Permissive- These parents are usually very lenient and do not demand much from their children. They take kind of a hands off approach to parenting and believe that the children can regulate their own behavior. Researches have said that "Children who have permissive parents are likely to be involved in problem behavior".
Authoritarian- These are parents who are extremely demanding of there children and discipline harshly. Rules are strictly implemented but there is no explanation given to the children. While the environment is really structured there is not much emotional warmth given to children. It is said that "Children who come from Authoritarian homes tend to perform moderately in school and not to be involved in problem behavior. But these children also have poor social skills, low self esteem and high levels of depression".
Authoritative- These parents find a balance between being demanding and responsive. They have structure and expectations for their children, but they also explain rules and express love towards them. When disciplining children they do not demean them, but rather seek understanding and explanation for the behavior as well as consequences. Studies have shown that "Children from authoritative homes are likely to do well in school and to be socially and vocationally competent with high self esteem and low rates of depression".
Uninvolved- These parents often reject or neglect their children in pursuit of their own desires. They do not discipline or show love and affection towards their children. Researches have said that "Children who come from a home with uninvolved parents tend not to do well in school, to be involved in problem behavior, to have poor social skills, low self esteem and to be subject to depression".
What is the best parenting style?
There still seems to be a debate going on over this, but to me it's clear that authoritative parenting is typically the most successful. Authoritative parents seek to nurture, guide, and teach their children. In my opinion it's the closest way to which Heavenly Father teaches us. That is not to say that sometimes harsh discipline isn't necessary. You would never want your child to endanger their life or the life of someone else. I do believe though it's our parenting practices that lead up to a child getting themselves into that much trouble that they would need severe discipline. Another benefit of authoritative parenting is that they hold high expectations or standards for their children. They instill in their children a sense of pride or self-worth through positive reinforcement. Authoritative parents also seek to listen to their children and encourages children to discuss their options. Children of authoritative parents are less likely to drop out of school, participate in risky behavior, or be involved with drugs or alcohol. They also tend to have a high self-esteem, good social skills, and have good self-control.
What are parenting practices?
We hear this word a lot, but surprisingly many people do not understand what it means. Parenting practices refers to specific actions that parent take that effect their children. For example, implementing a bedtime, how they discipline, or even things such as reading books with them. This daily activities make up the majority of how we parent on children. As parents literally everything we do throughout the day can be seen as a parenting practices; because let's face it, everything we do really does effect our children.
What are some good parenting practices?
This is a list that was featured in a Scientific American Journal.
1) Love and affection. You support and accept the child, are physically affectionate, and spend quality one-on-one time together.
2. Stress management. You take steps to reduce stress for yourself and your child, practice relaxation techniques and promote positive interpretations of events.
3. Relationship skills. You maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, significant other or co-parent and model effective relationship skills with other people.
4. Autonomy and independence. You treat your child with respect and encourage him or her to become self-sufficient and self-reliant.
5. Education and learning. You promote and model learning and open-mindedness for your child.
6. Life skills. You provide for your child, have a steady income and plan for the future.
7. Behavior management. You make extensive use of positive reinforcement and punish only when other methods of managing
behavior have failed.
8. Health. You model a healthy lifestyle and good habits, such as regular exercise and proper nutrition, for your child.
9. Religion. You support spiritual or religious development and participate in spiritual or religious activities.
10. Safety. You take precautions to protect your child and maintain awareness of the child’s activities and friends.
How does this apply to gospel principles?
We learn in The Family Proclamation that all parents have the responsibility to teach, love, guide, and even discipline their children. We can't expect any social institution to take care of that for us. No matter how much is taught at school, church, or activities it's a parents responsibility to ensure that their children know right from wrong and act accordingly. Yes, children do have their own agency and that will be accounted for; but we as parents need to make sure that we are doing everything in our power to effectively teach our children. If you take a look at some of the parenting practices listed above you will see that none of them are gender specific. Parents should be equal partners in raising their children. It is not fair to say that sense a husband earns the income he is free from parenting duties at home. In turn it's not fair to say that a women should not be an active participant in their family finances because she works inside the home. The Family Proclamation says, "In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners". Together you brought these children into the world and together you will need to raise them. The Family Proclamation also says, "We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God". This is a very serious sentence right here. We are specifically told that abuse in any form, verbal, psychological, emotional, physical, or sexual; will never be tolerated by the Lord.
Personal Application
I feel like I really learned a lot this week about how I need to parent. At first when I was reading many of these articles it was all really specific to raising children and teenagers; there wasn't a whole lot about infants. I then came across the article called "Parenting Practices that Shape the Lives of Young Children". I finally hit the gold mine! After reading this article I was really happy to see that many of these things we already do. I've made a point to have Brynlee set to a fairly structured routine. Honestly though, we lucked out because this little girl has stuck to it like clock work. We've had to make adjustments to meals, naptimes, and bedtimes as she has gotten older, but because she has always had a routine it's been a fairly easy transition. The article talked about the importance of families eating meals together. We really make an honest effort to do this most days of the week, and it's always at the dinner table. However, I would like to see us improve on having the same time every night. I would also really like to make sure that I sit down with Brynlee for lunch and breakfast and eat when she is eating. I think it's a bonding time that I have somewhat neglected. Second, it said that 27% of children do not have a set bedtime. We have usually been a stickler for this at 9 o'clock. The trick is to put them down before they get cranky. I would like to improve on our bedtime routine though. Such as adding in some stories, songs, and family prayer. It was also talked about how only 37% of children were read to on a daily basis! This is crazy to me, we read probably at least an hour a day (I'm interested now, so I'm definitely going to time it on Monday). Not only do I love reading out loud to Brynlee- but it's clear that she enjoys it as well. She loves books and has no problem with going and getting one for herself to look at. Another thing that this article talked about was the amount of television that children view. It says, "The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no television viewing for children under two years, and less then 3 hours per day of children two years and older". While Brynlee is a baby and doesn't watch any TV right now, this is definitely something that I will want to remember as she gets older.
Scripture Reference
Ephesians 6:4
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
How wonderful of a verse is this. We are clearly taught by the Lord that we need to bring them up in nurture and admonition. Admonition means counsel or warning. As parents we should look at every interaction with our children as a teaching opportunity. Offering them guidance, direction, and specifically love will help them grow into mature sons and daughters of God. We should not act out in anger against our children but rather counsel and guide them with a firm yet loving hand; similar to Heavenly Father.
