Saturday, November 3, 2012

Effective Parenting Practices


Parenting is hard- no one can deny that!  But there are also a variety of aspects that we as parents can control that effect how hard parenting has to be.  These include parenting styles, parenting practices, and even applying gospel principles to parenting.

What are the different parenting styles? 
There are four distinct parenting styles and within them are levels of severity or extremes.  

  • Permissive- These parents are usually very lenient and do not demand much from their children.  They take kind of a hands off approach to parenting and believe that the children can regulate their own behavior.  Researches have said that "Children who have permissive parents are likely to be involved in problem behavior".  
  • Authoritarian- These are parents who are extremely demanding of there children and discipline harshly.  Rules are strictly implemented but there is no explanation given to the children.  While the environment is really structured there is not much emotional warmth given to children. It is said that "Children who come from Authoritarian homes tend to perform moderately in school and not to be involved in problem behavior. But these children also have poor social skills, low self esteem and high levels of depression".  
  • Authoritative- These parents find a balance between being demanding and responsive.  They have structure and expectations for their children, but they also explain rules and express love towards them.  When disciplining children they do not demean them, but rather seek understanding and explanation for the behavior as well as consequences.  Studies have shown that "Children from authoritative homes are likely to do well in school and to be socially and vocationally competent with high self esteem and low rates of depression". 
  • Uninvolved- These parents often reject or neglect their children in pursuit of their own desires.  They do not discipline or show love and affection towards their children.  Researches have said that "Children who come from a home with uninvolved parents tend not to do well in school, to be involved in problem behavior, to have poor social skills, low self esteem and to be subject to depression". 
What is the best parenting style? 
There still seems to be a debate going on over this, but to me it's clear that authoritative parenting is typically the most successful.  Authoritative parents seek to nurture, guide, and teach their children.  In my opinion it's the closest way to which Heavenly Father teaches us.  That is not to say that sometimes harsh discipline isn't necessary.  You would never want your child to endanger their life or the life of someone else.  I do believe though it's our parenting practices that lead up to a child getting themselves into that much trouble that they would need severe discipline.  Another benefit of authoritative parenting is that they hold high expectations or standards for their children.  They instill in their children a sense of pride or self-worth through positive reinforcement.  Authoritative parents also seek to listen to their children and encourages children to discuss their options.  Children of authoritative parents are less likely to drop out of school, participate in risky behavior, or be involved with drugs or alcohol.  They also tend to have a high self-esteem, good social skills, and have good self-control.  

What are parenting practices? 
We hear this word a lot, but surprisingly many people do not understand what it means.  Parenting practices refers to specific actions that parent take that effect their children.  For example, implementing a bedtime, how they discipline, or even things such as reading books with them.  This daily activities make up the majority of how we parent on children.  As parents literally everything we do throughout the day can be seen as a parenting practices; because let's face it, everything we do really does effect our children.  

What are some good parenting practices? 
This is a list that was featured in a Scientific American Journal. 
1) Love and affection. You support and accept the child, are physically affectionate, and spend quality one-on-one time together.
2. Stress management. You take steps to reduce stress for yourself and your child, practice relaxation techniques and promote positive interpretations of events.
3. Relationship skills. You maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, significant other or co-parent and model effective relationship skills with other people.
4. Autonomy and independence. You treat your child with respect and encourage him or her to become self-sufficient and self-reliant.
5. Education and learning. You promote and model learning and open-mindedness for your child.
6. Life skills. You provide for your child, have a steady income and plan for the future.
7. Behavior management. You make extensive use of positive reinforcement and punish only when other methods of managing
behavior have failed.
8. Health. You model a healthy lifestyle and good habits, such as regular exercise and proper nutrition, for your child.
9. Religion. You support spiritual or religious development and participate in spiritual or religious activities.

10. Safety. You take precautions to protect your child and maintain awareness of the child’s activities and friends.    
How does this apply to gospel principles? 
We learn in The Family Proclamation that all parents have the responsibility to teach, love, guide, and even discipline their children.  We can't expect any social institution to take care of that for us.  No matter how much is taught at school, church, or activities it's a parents responsibility to ensure that their children know right from wrong and act accordingly.  Yes, children do have their own agency and that will be accounted for; but we as parents need to make sure that we are doing everything in our power to effectively teach our children.  If you take a look at some of the parenting practices listed above you will see that none of them are gender specific.  Parents should be equal partners in raising their children.  It is not fair to say that sense a husband earns the income he is free from parenting duties at home.  In turn it's not fair to say that a women should not be an active participant in their family finances because she works inside the home.  The Family Proclamation says, "In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners".  Together you brought these children into the world and together you will need to raise them.  The Family Proclamation also says, "We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God".  This is a very serious sentence right here.  We are specifically told that abuse in any form, verbal, psychological, emotional, physical, or sexual; will never be tolerated by the Lord.        

Personal Application 

I feel like I really learned a lot this week about how I need to parent.  At first when I was reading many of these articles it was all really specific to raising children and teenagers; there wasn't a whole lot about infants.  I then came across the article called "Parenting Practices that Shape the Lives of Young Children".  I finally hit the gold mine! After reading this article I was really happy to see that many of these things we already do.  I've made a point to have Brynlee set to a fairly structured routine.  Honestly though, we lucked out because this little girl has stuck to it like clock work.  We've had to make adjustments to meals, naptimes, and bedtimes as she has gotten older, but because she has always had a routine it's been a fairly easy transition.  The article talked about the importance of families eating meals together.  We really make an honest effort to do this most days of the week, and it's always at the dinner table.  However, I would like to see us improve on having the same time every night.  I would also really like to make sure that I sit down with Brynlee for lunch and breakfast and eat when she is eating.  I think it's a bonding time that I have somewhat neglected.  Second, it said that 27% of children do not have a set bedtime.  We have usually been a stickler for this at 9 o'clock.  The trick is to put them down before they get cranky.  I would like to improve on our bedtime routine though.  Such as adding in some stories, songs, and family prayer.  It was also talked about how only 37% of children were read to on a daily basis!  This is crazy to me, we read probably at least an hour a day (I'm interested now, so I'm definitely going to time it on Monday).  Not only do I love reading out loud to Brynlee- but it's clear that she enjoys it as well.  She loves books and has no problem with going and getting one for herself to look at.  Another thing that this article talked about was the amount of television that children view.  It says, "The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no television viewing for children under two years, and less then 3 hours per day of children two years and older".  While Brynlee is a baby and doesn't watch any TV right now, this is definitely something that I will want to remember as she gets older.         

Scripture Reference
Ephesians 6:4

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

How wonderful of a verse is this.  We are clearly taught by the Lord that we need to bring them up in nurture and admonition.  Admonition means counsel or warning.  As parents we should look at every interaction with our children as a teaching opportunity.  Offering them guidance, direction, and specifically love will help them grow into mature sons and daughters of God.  We should not act out in anger against our children but rather counsel and guide them with a firm yet loving hand; similar to Heavenly Father.    

Sources 
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